i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
