sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
