So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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