Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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