Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
