My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
