he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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