Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize