Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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