He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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