I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
