I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
its liver damage thursday
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
