My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
