Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
