We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
