i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
