My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize