Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
