She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
