Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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