we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
