I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
