so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
