We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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