I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
