I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
