Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
