happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
