I'm going to jail i love you
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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