how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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