I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
