I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
