i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
