His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
