Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
