I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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