her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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