i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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