a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
