id be glad to
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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