Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
