don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
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Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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