If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
