wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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