Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
