im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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