o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
