hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
