Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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