i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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