we have pet lesbian snakes
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
