The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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