Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
