i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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