did you get engaged???
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
