At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
