Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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