false alarm. still invincible.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
