I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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