the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
