I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
