So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."