how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
time to smoke my breakfast
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?