I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?