ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
