I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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