Just fell off a train. Bad.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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