Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
