from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
