We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
