Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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