i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
