I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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