I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
