well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
