Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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