PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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